Smith 
If you’re married or in a serious relationship, you’ve likely heard the usual advice on managing your finances together: talk openly, set goals together, and don’t hide stuff from each other. This advice sounds straightforward and is easy to dole out, but let’s face it, nobody is perfect, and neither are relationships. So, what do you do if you just can’t seem to agree with your partner on finances?
Defeat Defeatism
It can be alarming when you and your partner first realize you’re not on the same page financially. Suddenly, your logical fiancé’s monthly shopping sprees or your frugal husband’s daily lunch purchases seem perplexing.
First, try not to judge. Everyone has their little indulgences. For example, I avoid buying lunch daily, but on a tough day, I can’t resist a mocha from the coffee shop. These quirks don’t make us bad; they just make us human.
Once you drop the judgment, the defeatist attitude should ease as well. You and your partner likely compromise on food, music, and housing. Financial decisions need similar compromises.
Forget the “What” and Ask Each Other “Why”
With judgment and defeatism out of the way, sit down and have some honest conversations. Notice I said “conversations” because reaching an agreement probably won’t happen all at once. It might take months to fully understand each other’s perspective, but what’s crucial is listening.
Ask not just what your partner thinks but why. If he wants all bills on a credit card, it might be for rewards and not accumulating debt. You don’t have to agree, but understanding the reasoning is key. Keep the dialogue open to grow closer to a compromise.
Step Outside of Your Own Shoes
In long relationships, it’s easy to forget that you come from different backgrounds, but these differences often resurface during disagreements. If your girlfriend has student loans because her family couldn’t afford college, understanding her perspective becomes easier.
To truly meet your partner’s needs, put yourself in their shoes during your financial talks and focus on the whys behind their habits and beliefs.
Forgive Past Mistakes and Prevent Future Ones
Mistakes happen. Maybe your partner overspent the budget or you kept some financial secrets. A relationship should be based on openness, honesty, and trust, including in finance. If a mistake occurred but your partner is committed to moving forward without repeating it, do so together.
Just Like Your Relationship, Let Your Financial Philosophy Evolve
Your financial plan should evolve just as your relationship does. Regularly check in on your plans, progress, and goals to ensure you’re aligned. Over time, even financial opposites can find common ground through these ongoing talks.
Planning finances separately is tough enough, let alone as a team. It can be frustrating and confusing, but open communication and compromise are key. It’s okay if it’s not always smooth sailing.
The Bottom Line – Couples Finances: What to Do if You Don’t Agree
Managing finances together is all about compromise, understanding, and mutual growth. Embrace open communication, practice empathy, and ask “why” as well as “what” to truly understand each other’s financial views. Forgive past mistakes to build trust, and allow your financial strategies to evolve with your relationship. While challenges are inevitable, working through them can turn financial planning from a contentious issue into a harmonious part of your partnership.
