Smith 
Have you ever felt like you only really learn through experience? Someone might tell you what to expect, but you don’t truly get it until you’re in the thick of it. That’s how I felt a few months ago while planning my wedding. I knew weddings were supposed to be stressful, but I couldn’t grasp the level of chaos until I experienced it myself. Between the costs, the time, and all the inevitable disagreements about the details, it seemed almost impossible to get through. By the end, my husband and I felt like we could handle anything—until it was time to sit down and talk about our finances.
We planned to discuss our finances before the wedding, but between our busy startup jobs and long-distance wedding planning, it never happened. So, we saved the money talk for after the wedding—not the best idea. Now, as we face big changes, we’re working to find common ground in our finances. I’ve learned a lot about what we should have done, what we still need to do, and how others can make this easier for themselves.
Here’s my personal guide to newlywed budgeting:
Start with a Clean Slate
When Matt and I first sat down to talk finances, we thought our background knowledge would help us, but it actually hindered us. We both had preconceived ideas about each other’s spending that blocked real communication. We realized we needed to start fresh.
Present Your Financial Philosophies Separately
Discussing your financial goals and habits at the same time might seem efficient, but it didn’t work for us. We spent more time defending our methods than actually listening to each other. Instead, we found it helpful to share our philosophies separately. Take one evening to explain your financial goals, how you handle debt and savings, and what you think could improve. Give your spouse a few days to process this and then do the same for their philosophy. A week later, come together to discuss what you found useful and what made you uncomfortable.
Decide on a Strategy
After understanding each other’s financial habits, it’s time to form a strategy. Will you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or a mix? Keep an open mind and choose what makes the most sense, not just what sounds good.
Joint Accounts
If you choose joint accounts, combine your funds into a new account with both names on it. Use this for all your expenses. Decide who will manage the budget and bills, or split the tasks to avoid missed payments. Remember, your finances are now intertwined, so stay on top of your responsibilities.
Separate Accounts
Keeping separate accounts can work if you maintain open communication. Decide who will handle different expenses and ensure you’re both on track with savings and goals. Full transparency is crucial here. Keep a master list of all accounts and bills, including access information, so either of you can manage them in an emergency.
Joint and Separate Accounts
You might prefer a combination of joint and separate accounts. Decide which expenses to share and which to handle individually. Full disclosure and mutual access are still essential for this method to work. Online banks like Capital One 360 offer flexible account options that can cater to various needs, allowing you to handle finances jointly or separately as suits you.
Matt and I chose to mix joint and separate accounts. Having managed our finances independently for nearly a decade made it hard to fully merge everything. We’re still figuring out the best balance and acknowledge that our approach might evolve with time.
Re-Evaluate Your Plan Quarterly
Whatever strategy you start with, review it every few months. Discuss how the plan has worked, what can improve, and how your goals might have shifted. Regular check-ins help you stay aligned and adapt to changes together. Use these discussions to hold each other accountable for your shared financial goals.
Keep Your Eye on Each Other
Budgeting as a couple can be challenging, with plenty of outside advice and opinions. Remember, your decisions are for your mutual benefit, based on thorough discussions that outsiders might overlook. If you need further guidance, consult a financial planner who can offer objective advice tailored to your needs.
Managing finances as newlyweds is tough and takes time. Be patient with each other, keep communication open, and approach decisions with empathy and respect. No matter what surprises life throws your way, you’ll be ready to tackle them as a strong, collaborative team.
